Overwhelmed

I debated on whether to post these thoughts on here, or to write them in my personal journal. I know a lot of people are bothered by blogs that only show the "hearts, flowers, and rainbows" of life. In fact, lately I have seen a lot of blog posts presenting the "reality" of their imperfect lives-- in order to save people the self guilt caused by the perfect persona that their blogs sometimes present. If you, my reader, are bothered by ooey-gooey, happy posts... then stop reading here. Of course, I would never want to make anyone feel bad about themselves. And, I don't intentionally try to construe a picture of  "happy valley" in my blog posts. I try to be genuine. The truth is that it bothers me that sharing happy moments has to be cheapened by people standing in the figurative corner throwing themselves a pity party.  It is sad that I worry who I am going to offend by confessing that I am so completely in love with my life. Of course it isn't perfect. No one's life is. But it is wonderful. Even when the roads get bumpy, life is a gift. No one can deny that with all the unexpected twists and turns, it is one heck of a thrilling ride! So, with that intro, here it is (that is, if you're still reading)...

This last week, I have been so entirely overcome by my feelings of gratitude. My heart is overflowing -- in the form of instantaneous tears.  One second, I will be discussing something trivial-- like what to have for dinner, the next second, I will have tears streaming down my face. Happy, grateful, content tears. A couple days ago, I had a lady ask me what I do when my children spill juice. I burst into tears and explained to her how happy I am to have my juice-spilling children around.  She looked like a deer caught in headlights. I made a quick recovery. It was so awkward. I couldn't help it, I feel so blessed to have this life.

I am so absolutely enamored with my 5 children. They bring me joy that can't be described. Being their Mother is what I was placed on this earth for. I find such fulfillment in serving and teaching them. It is a privilege to get to spend each day with them. In the past 5 years, I have had 2 experiences that could have taken my life.  Since then,  as I witness moments in my children's lives-- occasionally-- I have the thought cross my mind that I would have missed those experiences if my life hadn't been preserved. It isn't usually any big moment-- something as small as playing tag with my children, or hearing my baby say "I love you" for the first time, or seeing Cameron turn around and blow me a kiss as he walks into school (which is so totally uncool to do in Jr. High... yet he still does it).  This time with them is a precious gift. It can be frustrating, and exhausting, and even heart-breaking at times-- but it is wonderful.  I can't look at my little family without having my heart melt in humble gratitude to my Father in Heaven for allowing me to be a part of it.

I have such a kind and caring husband. He is the love of my life and so much more than I could have ever imagined for myself.  We have been married for nearly 15 years, and he has made me feel beautiful, has made me laugh, and has told me he loves me every single day of that almost 15 years. He is my perfect husband-- not to mention one sexy hunk of love.  I feel so blessed to be able to say that I know what it feels like to love and to be loved entirely-- heart and soul.  I can't imagine heaven without him, and feel overjoyed that he is mine for eternity.

I am, most of all, overwhelmingly grateful for the guidance, clarity, and understanding that the gospel brings to my life. Being a Mother and Wife wouldn't be nearly as meaningful if I didn't view those jobs as something eternal and far reaching. Can you imagine how unfulfilling those stacks of never-ending dishes, the constant carpooling, and the many middle of the night sleep interruptions would be without knowing how much Heavenly Father cares about the job of Mothers? The time I spend serving and enjoying my family matters, and knowing that makes me so unbelievably, humble, grateful, and cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat happy!